Weißcracks
by Swythangel
Summary: Parody fic, Weiß with the Gundam boys...nuff said! ^_^v
1. Default Chapter

Author: Swythangel   
Email: swythangel@hotmail.com   
Title: Weißcracks   
Type: 1/2, parody   
Teaser: A parody of sorts that has been revolving around my head, Weiß boys vs Gundam Wing boys in lame attempt at humor.   
Rating: PG   
Spoilers:   
Warnings: Shonen Ai, AU, cross-over   
Disclaimer: Weiß Kreuz is not mine…will never be mine but damn if that'll stop me from torturing their lives in my fics...Gundam Wing is also not mine…   
Keywords: Weiß, Gundam Wing boys

I did it again…this is a nonsensical bit that just came into my head. Please don't kill me because I just had to do this. Yes, I did…may not be that funny but I can almost see them do this, er, I think…I just had to take a break from my more serious fics…

Gundam Wing fans be warned…this is a Weiß centered ficcie so there might just be more Gwing bashing than Weiß bashing…gomen!   


**Weißcracks**   
**Part 1**

Swythangel: Hey minna-san, get in place already!

[sounds of grumbling]

Youji: Why do we have to do this? [looks up to the sky]

Duo: Who does she think she is anyway!

Swythangel: [scowls at Duo]I heard that, Shinigami! I am the end all and be all of your universe. In this fic, I rule! Because I'm the writer and what I say goes!

Duo: I could remedy that with Deathscythe almost immediately…[mutters]

Swythangel: Do you want me to cut off your braid?

Duo: [looks panicked] Heero! Do something!

Heero: Hn.

Everyone: [sweatdrops]

Ken: I want to watch a soccer game on TV. Can't we do this some other time? [plaintive voice]

Swythangel: [cuddles Kenken] Gomen Ken-kun! But this'll only take a little while…

Omi: Hey this could be fun, ne, Aya-kun? [bounce]

Aya:….

Omi: [sighs] I should have known Aya-kun wouldn't respond!

Wufei: [after reading the script] This is preposterous! An injustice! I will not be ordered about by some weak onna!

Swythangel: [whacks Wufei with mallet] Oh stop it, Wufei! You will do as you are told or else!

Wufei: [glares] Or else what?

Swythangel: I will tell everyone just what you and Treize did last night. [smug look]

Wufei: [flushes] Whoever said I wasn't doing this? [slinks away, scowling, to his place]

Swythangel: Hey Wu-man! Not bad for a weak onna ne? [grins at glaring Wufei]

[Trowa and Quatre have prudently chosen to remain silent which is a good thing, because then this introduction would take longer.]

Swythangel: [shouts]Now stop this grumbling, bishonens and get into place! OR ELSE!

Everyone: Damn tyrannical writer…ought to be banned!

Swyth-chan: Silence! Now get into place…

[everyone scuffles into position][lights go on to reveal a stage with swirling spotlights][music blares out]

Announcer: Welcome to the show Weißcracks! The show where we pit Weiß boys with other bishonens from other series to…er, what is the purpose of this show?

Swyth-chan: Read the script, damn it!

Announcer: Oh yeah! Where we pit the Weiß boys with other bishonens to find out who are the better men…[raises eyebrows] [to Swythangel] Hey isn't this unfair? I mean, they aren't even of the same genre, timeline, etc.…

Swyth-chan: [looks mutinous] Well, that's what I want and what I want goes!

Announcer: Whatever you say…[mutters]This is a really biased show!

Swyth-chan: [prods announcer] go on!

Announcer: Uh, tonight we have special guests from the future…The Gundam Boys, namely Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell, Trowa Barton, Quatre Winner and Chang Wufei [spotlight focuses on surly Heero, sulking Maxwell who beams at the camera because he could never resist the spotlight, impassive Trowa, smiling Quatre and glaring Wufei]

[loud roar from rabid fangirls drown out announcer]

Announcer: Oh hush! As I was saying…and the stars of our show! The Weiß boys we all know and love…Aya Fujimiya, Youji Kudou, Ken Hidaka and Omi Tsukiyono…

[Aya sits impassively. Youji smiles for the multitude of fangirls, Ken and Omi wave.]

[pandemonium from the fangirls, louder cheers, after all this is sent to the wk fandom ^^]

Fangirls: Aaaiieee! Kenken! Yotan! Omiitchi! Ayan! We love yooouuuuu!

Duo: [mutters to Heero] Why do I get the feeling this is an *extremely* biased show?

Heero: Hn.

Announcer: Ok, simmer down audience….and here's our host, the lovable Swythangel! [waves as she ignores the snorts of derision at the word 'lovable']

Swyth-chan: Thank you Mr. Announcer and welcome to the show everyone. For those who don't know what Weißcracks is all about, we have a brief explanation…Roll VTR!

[video screen in the middle of the stage flickers to life]

Disembodied voice: Weißcracks is the show where people who think they're better than Weiß gets a chance to prove they are better…in a battle of wits, strength and whatever cockamamie idea the creator of this show dreams up.

Quatre: Anou…so who said we thought we were better than they are, koi? [tugs at Trowa's sleeve]

Trowa: [shrugs]I don't know Little One.

Disembodied voice: [annoyed voice] Now if you two would stop sweet talking then maybe you'd learn who…[Trowa and Quatre facevaults at the VTR, they never thought they made them interactive in this century…] Anyway, back to the explanation…Who may join. Those who wisecrack the Weiß boys get the chance to prove themselves against them.

Wufei: [annoyed] Injustice! No one among the Gundam pilots wisecracked these, these…Weiß boys. I don't even know who they are!

[Duo flushes]

Disembodied voice: [annoyed voice] Well, Mr. Starchy-Warchy Defender of Justice! If you'd let me finish, you'd know who did it. Jeez, these guys are so impatient.

Swyth-chan: [prods] Get on with it.

Disembodied voice: Yeah yeah! So, since our contenders are so impatient…let's roll this scene we taped so we can find out just who wisecracked Weiß.

[video of Duo sitting on the couch watching TV, strains of Beautiful Alone can be heard]

Duo: Tch! What's so cool about a group of assassins masquerading as florists in the morning? They sound so wimpy! What's the big deal of killing people…I can probably kill more than a hundredfold of their number with my Gundam Deathscythe…[swishes imaginary scythe around] Shinigami rules! Haha!

[tape stops]

Duo: [surprised] How did they get that? I mean really! Its impossible to know where our safehouses are. How can you sneak a camera into a top secret place when you don't know where it is?

Swythangel: [whacks Duo and parrots her trademark line] I am the end all and be all of your universe. In this fic, I rule! Because I'm the writer and what I say goes! Now shut up. You're in deep doo-doo!

[Duo finally realizes that all the other Gundam pilots had converged on him]

[Silence as all the Gundam pilots stare at the reddening Duo]

Duo: [sheepish look] Er, ah…ooopsie?

Quatre: Duo, how could you!

Trowa: [shakes head]

Wufei: Maxwell! You bring dishonor to the Gundam pilots!

Heero:…

Swythangel: [goes to Gboys] Break it up you guys, we have to continue with the show, you know! And since you are already here, you'd better make it good…or face dishonor in front of millions of viewers.

Duo: Damn it! We can beat 'em! I mean we are the best aren't we? No way am I going to let sissy flower boys get the better of me…

Quatre: Oh Duo..[sighs] you'll never grow up.

Wufei: But Maxwell is right, we have to win this. For the honor of the Gundams…Nataku, I will not let you down. [Wufei raises fist and fire burns in his eyes]

[Gboys sweatdrops]

Heero: When this is finished… [threatening note in his voice][glares at Duo]   
  


Swyth-chan: Quit it! The first competition will now start. [presses button] The first two contestants are…

[Vidscreen shows slot machine-like apparatus which rolls around and stops. It displays the faces of Aya and Heero]

Swythangel: Aya and Heero! Come on down…

[Reluctant Aya and Heero walk to Swythangel after proddings from their respective kois.]

Aya:[mutters to himself] I will not sink to their level. I will not do anything.

Heero: [thinks to himself] This is not a mission therefore it is irrelevant. I will not be a clown. I will do nothing.

Swythangel: And the task you have to do is…[opens envelope] Urk! o.O Deathglares…the best deathglare wins.

Duo: [laughs aloud and holds up V-sign] Yatta ne! We'll win for sure! Heero has a deathglare unmatched in the universe. [looks to Aya] Although that is one hunk of man…[admiring glance at Aya who ignores him]

Ken: [defends Aya] Hah! That's what you think! My…[blush] er, our Aya can outglare a basilisk. And stop looking at him like that! He is off-limits.

Duo: [sticks out his tongue at Ken] Well, you can't stop me…go Heero! [to Aya] Want to get together sometime?

Ken: [looks surlier than a thundercloud and stalks to where Aya is to block Duo's view of Aya] Quit it, Maxwell!

Duo: [also goes to middle of the stage] Try and stop me, Hidaka! [Ken is now acting like a goalkeeper and trying to block Duo from ever reaching his koi.]

Heero: [who had resolved not to do anything in this stupid contest since it wasn't a mission at all, finally snapped at Duo's irritating antics][takes gun out of his spandex shorts and glares his infamous deathglare at Duo] Omae o korusu, Duo!

Duo: [glomps Heero]Wai! Koi! Heero, that was one of the best deathglares you ever did!

[bell sounds and crowd cheers]

Swyth-chan: Yokatta ne! That was a good deathglare Heero! Now stow the gun…after all this isn't a violent show.

Heero: [sputters] But I didn't…I wasn't planning to do that deathglare thing. I demand a recount.

Swyth-chan: Stop being so modest. And who do you think you are? The Bush-Gore party? This is not the elections, so quit it! [turns to Aya] Your turn Aya-kun!

[crowd starts to chant Aya's name]

Aya: …[closes eyes and pretends not to hear anything][crosses arms]

Ken: Aya…

Duo: [still clinging to Heero][snickers at Ken] Well it seems that you can't even make him do what he has to ne? We win! We win! And since *you* obviously can't get him to do anything, maybe you should let me try. If we win, I get to go out with the redhead ne? [ignores Heero's glare]

Ken: [pleading eyes] Aya? Onegai?

Omi: [to Youji] Poor Ken-kun! We can't just let him suffer there…This Duo Maxwell is a real flirt, ne, Youji-kun.

Youji: [ruffles Omi's hair] Yes, he is. A boy after my own heart. Why he could be my younger brother. [grin]

Omi: [suspicious look] You aren't thinking of seducing the boy are you, Youji-kun?

Youji: [laughs] NO, he's obviously too young. 15 or so, I'd think. And you know I don't go for anyone younger than 18.

Omi: [to himself] Don't I know it! One day I'm going to jump him. [sighs aloud]

Youji: Don't worry about Ken, Omi. Ken'll think of a way. Trust him.

Omi: [sighs] I hope so. Aya-kun can be so stubborn at times.

Youji: Yeah he can be. [to himself]because he has a stick shoved up his ass…

[Ken thinks and thinks. He knows Aya wouldn't do the deathglare even if he pleaded with him…what could possibly….]

Ken: [lightbulb flash] Aha! [in a theatrical voice] Oh my God! Look! Is that Reiji Takatori? [points to something on his right]

[Aya's eyes turn to a fiery violet as he reached for his katana, running to where Ken pointed]

Aya: Takatori? SHI-NE! [deathglare worth a thousand basilisks] Where has the dishonorable dog gone? [swings head to sweep a look at everyone]

Duo: [eyes widen] Oh my!

Ken: [smirks]

Swythangel: [blinks at Aya's deathglare] That was one heck of a deathglare. Judges?

[Aya's face on the vidscreen lights up. Cheers from the crowd.]

Ken: [throws himself at Aya] You did it! You did it, Aya!

Aya: [glares at Ken]You tricked me…

Ken: Er, gomen? [looks up to see Aya still glaring] Eeps! Youji, Omi, tasukete! [runs to hide under Youji and Omi] [pops head up from behind Youji] You do realize, Aya, that I did it because I love you? I couldn't give you over to that flirty boy…

Aya: … [After all what can Aya say against such a wonderful, innocent and oh-so-kawaii boy with the most melting brown eyes this side of creation.]

Youji: I sense a definite bias here [nods] Don't you Omi?

Omi: Damn straight. Why does she always dote on Kenken?

Swythangel: [whacks both] No comment. Now on with the show…Let's see what the slot machine has for us…[presses buttons] Whee! This is fun, sort of like Vegas! [push buttons some more]

Wufei: [disgusted expression] Baka onna!

Swythangel: What did you say, Wu-man? [narrows eyes]

Wufei: [remembers Swyth-chan's threat] Nothing!   
  


[Slot machine shows Ken and Trowa's face]

Swythangel: Our next contender is that most adorable, innocent, soccer-loving, kawaii Kenken and his opponent, Trowa!

[Ken fangirls cheer with matching pompom routine]

Ken: [blushes] Really, that was so unnecessary…[almost trips over his own feet]

[Quatre grips Trowa's hand and squeezes it, whispering] Good luck, koi!

Trowa: [bestows one of his rare one-eyed smiles on Quatre]

Swyth-chan: [stars in her eyes] Awwww…

Duo: This is a fixed contest! [sputters] She is obviously biased! And to that…that…

[Swythangel snaps fingers and a bucket of water pours down on Duo] Oh go cool off Shinigami! [beams] I just love having absolute power…

Wufei: [mutters to himself]Drunk with power…no honor. [a bucket of water also falls on Mr' Justice-is-my-life-Honor-or-death]

Swythangel: [grins] Alright, let's see what your tasks are…

Ken: [beams happily at Trowa] Hello I'm Ken! I hope we get some fun stuff to do, like soccer ne?

[The dear adorable boy just can't help but befriend even his opponent.]

Quatre: [peers at last comment] Sou ka! I see they weren't joking. You are biased, Swyth-chan.

Swyth-chan: [grins and huggles the dear blonde angel] Hai I am! I am! And proud of it!

Duo: [narrows eyes] Why do I get a feeling she loves Quatre too, Heero?

Heero: Hn.

[Swythangel opens envelope][eyes widen][looks horrified] Aaagh! No no no!

Youji: [rushes over to Swyth-chan's side] Daijobu? What is it?

[Dejected Swythangel hands over the envelope to Youji who reads it.]

Youji: Oh no! [whacks self and shakes head]

Ken, Omi and Aya: What? What?

[Aya and Omi snatches the envelope from Youji and reads][both let out a sigh of defeat]

Omi: That tears it. We might as well declare defeat.

Aya: [nods]

Ken: [offended tone] Even you, Aya? What is this task? Is it death-defying or something?

Duo: [impatient shout] Yeah! Why don't you guys just tell us! You can't leave us in the dark you know!

[The Gundam boys nodded at Duo's statement. All the Gundam boys were curious and impatient, expecting a task of epic proportions.]

Swyth-chan: You tell them, Yotan. [sighs] I can't.

Youji: The task concerns somersaults and…grace. The one who performs the better routine wins.

[Youji, Aya and Omi shake their heads.]

[The Gundam boys sweatdrop as one.] That was all? Then why were they suddenly giving up on their own?

[Quatre couldn't help his curiosity. He knew Trowa stood a great chance of winning. His koi was, after all, the most graceful acrobat he had ever seen. Even in bed…er, perhaps he shouldn't dwell on that. Still, it was curious, the reaction…He asked the other Weiß boys.]

Quatre: A thousand pardons but why are you giving up now? You don't even know the extent of Trowa's talent and yet you give up on Hidaka-san.

Youji: [looks at Quatre with laughter in his eyes] You don't know Ken.

Omi: Yeah! [looks warily at Swyth-chan] You don't know how, er, grace-challenged he is…

Aya: [being a man who refused to tiptoe around the topic, snorted] He's clumsy! He's like a bull in a china shop!

Swythangel: [whacks Aya] Hidoii Aya-kun! Saying that of your koi!

Ken: [looks hurt] Is that what you think, Aya?

Aya: [tries to salvage his relationship] But I love you for it…[hopeful look]

Ken: [glares] Nice try but no cigar! Couch! Two weeks!

Aya: [groans][he hated sleeping on the couch. And worst of all, no..er, best try not to think of it.]

Swythangel: [evil grin at Aya] Serves you right, evil man! And now on with the contest…Trowa, please go first.

[Trowa nods and amidst cheers from Quatre and Duo, he went to the farthest end of the stage and proceeded to do a full-length gymnastic floor exercise worthy of the Olympics, leaving everyone gaping with awe.]

Ken:[who was still hurting from what Aya said could do nothing but watch] Holy Shit! This Trowa Barton has more moves on the floor than Youji had with girls…I'm done for.

[Everyone claps as Trowa finishes. And fangirls scream]

Quatre: [runs to hug Trowa] You were magnificent!

Swythangel: [stars in her eyes]Awwww…..Er, your turn, Ken-kun…[look of dread on her face]

[Let's not let the audience see what happens…Swythangel covers stage with curtains]

Duo: Hey, unfair! We should see what happens with Ken-o!

Swythangel: [peeks into curtain and winces] Believe me, its not pretty. Let's just let the judges decide.

Duo: No! Who are you to block us…

Swythangel: [sighs]You haven't learned your lesson yet have you? [takes deep breath] I am the end all and be all of your universe. In this fic, I rule! Because I'm the writer and what I say goes! Now shut up.

[Snaps fingers and a bucket of water pours onto Duo's head.]

[Curtains slowly open to reveal a heavily-breathing Ken]

Swythangel: [sweatdrops and hesitates] Er, judges?

[Vidscreen lights up and reveals a highlighted Trowa]

Swythangel: [eyes bug out] Noo! I demand a recount!

Duo:[smirks] Tough luck! To quote someone you should be very familiar with…Who do you think you are? The Bush-Gore party? This is not the elections, so quit it! [manic laughter]

TBC ^_~


	2. Part 2/3

Author: Swythangel   
Email: swythangel@hotmail.com   
Title: Weißcracks   
Type: 2/3, parody   
Teaser: A parody of sorts that has been revolving around my head, Weiß boys vs Gundam Wing boys in lame attempt at humor.   
Rating: PG   
Spoilers:   
Warnings: Shonen Ai (so if you're squicked, don't read.), AU, cross-over   
Disclaimer: Weiß Kreuz is not mine…will never be mine but damn if that'll stop me from torturing their lives in my fics...Gundam Wing is also not mine…   
Keywords: Weiß, Gundam Wing boys

Did I say it was 2/2? I meant 2/3 of course ^o^ ahoho! Somehow this is getting away from me whacks fic>

**Weißcracks**   
**Part 2**

Youji: [sighs] Well, I didn't really expect Kenken to win it.

[Omi and Aya nod surreptitiously making sure Ken didn't notice. Especially Aya. After all, two weeks on the couch was enough. He didn't want to make it worse.]

Omi: Daijobu, Ken-kun. At least you lost to one of the best. I bet the guy could win the Olympics if he had to.

Duo: Yatta ne! We won one! We won one! Thanks for the win Hidaka.

[Ken groans][Aya levels a glare worthy of ten thousand basilisks on Duo}

Duo: Eep! [hides behind Heero who glares back]

Swythangel: Er, maybe we should go on with the next people before things start to get violent. [approaches button with gleaming eyes]

Wufei: [rolls eyes] Ai-ya! Here we go again. The onna will probably play with the button again.

Swythangel: [protests]But its fun, its like a slot machine…

Wufei: [snorts]

Swythangel: [narrows eyes] Well if you feel that way, why don't *you* press it then…

Wufei: Fine! [walks towards the button] This needs a man's touch anyway. [smugly]

Swythangel: [plugs ears and says in a singsong voice] I'm not listening to this disgusting gender bias!

Wufei: [pushes buttons] Hey this *is* like a Vegas machine! [pushes buttons some more]

[Everyone looks at Wufei incredulously.]

Swythangel: Oi! [shouts in Wufei's ear] Great and Powerful Man! Do you mind stopping now so we can get on with the show?

[Wufei continues to push the buttons.]

Swythangel: Oi! Oi!

[Wufei ignores Swyth-chan.]

Swythangel: [mutters] Well you leave me no choice.[snaps fingers and big mallet appears in her hands.] This is going to hurt me more than it does you…after all I am just a weak onna. [sarcastic tone]

Wham! [Wufei is lead off by Trowa, stars going around his head.]

Quatre: [disapproving voice] Swyth-chan? Did you have to do that?

Swythangel: [Innocent look] But it was, to paraphrase Wufei, justice. He was disrupting the game and this show is only for 30 minutes.

Quatre: But did you have to hit him so hard?

Swythangel: [thinks] No! [beams unrepentant]That's one of the perks.

Quatre: [sweatdrops]

Swythangel: Aaaaanyway, let's look at the vidscreen ne?

[Vidscreen shows Omi and Quatre's face]

Swythangel: This should be interesting! Alright, will the two kawaii bishonens please step right up!

[Quatre and Omi go to the middle of the stage. They smile at each other, being friendly children.]

Swythangel: Awww, I swear this must be one of the most kawaii pairings I can see for a cross-over.

[Everyone can see gears turning in Swyth-chan's mind.]

Wufei: [recovered from the mallet] Baka onna! This is not the time to be thinking of possible fic ideas.

Swythangel:[protests] But I was just getting to the good part..

Announcer: Oi! Get on with it!

Youji: Yeah! We don't have all day. I still have a date for the evening and I gotta get ready.

Swythangel: [grumbles] Alright alright! Jeez! Omi and Quatre-kun…that would be something…

[A normally unemotional Trowa narrows his visible eye and glares at Swyth-chan]

Trowa: Pair my little one with anyone but me and I will personally make sure that Heavy Arms' armaments are fully loaded and trained in your direction. With the safety lock off.

[Swythangel, Quatre and the rest of the Gundam boys stare at Trowa incredulously.]

Swythangel: Wow! Now there's something we don't see everyday…

[Gwing Boys nod. And Trowa gets a smug look.]

Swythangel: Imagine hearing Trowa say something more than monosyllables…this is a treat.

[Everyone nods in assent.]

Trowa: [face falls and he glares because everyone has missed his point entirely.] I'm serious.

Duo: [ignores what Trowa said] Yeah, I mean, this could be a whole new record…

Swythangel: [nods] I agree, maybe we should call in the Guinness or something…

Trowa: [annoyed look] Hello! Trowa to everyone…

Duo: What do you think, Wu-man? Heechan?

Wufei and Heero: [simultaneously] Don't call me…

Heero: Heechan!

Wufei: Wu-man!

Duo: [chuckles]

Trowa: Damn it! [rants] I am serious here!

Swythangel: [ignores Trowa] So what do *you* guys think?

Heero: Hn.

Wufei: Unnecessary.

Trowa: [puts on a mime act and pantomimes outrageous actions][Everyone continues to ignore him.][Trowa drums his fingers on the table, being ignored the whole time and simmering][rolls eyes not that we'll ever see it because his bangs cover that one eye] And they wonder why I never talk!

Quatre:[lays an arm on his koi] I listen to you, Tro-chan!

Trowa: But you don't count. You're supposed to listen to me, Little One. I'm your koi.

Quatre: [flares up in affront] I don't count? *I* don't count? Hmph! [turns his back on Trowa] Well seeing that I don't count, why don't you make like Fujimiya-san there and sleep on the couch! I'm sure you'd be more comfortable there rather than on the bed with me, seeing that *I* don't count. [sniffs]

[Trowa, realizing the great mistake he just made, tried to make amends] I didn't mean it that way, Little One.

Quatre: [sniffs] Then just what *did* you mean?

Aya: [smirks] I advise not opening your mouth at this point, Barton.

Trowa: [ignores Aya's advice and tries to get back into Quatre's good graces] You don't count because…[thinks hard, trying to force out the words from his lips. He had used up his daily ration of monosyllables for the day and it was getting harder to talk.]…Because you aren't like the others. Yes, that's right. You're fragile and different.

Aya: I wouldn't advise that…

Trowa: [glares at Aya]

Quatre: [fumes in outrage] Are you saying that I'm a freak because I'm different? You're staying on that couch indefinitely Trowa Barton! [stalks off and ignores Trowa]

Aya: [rolls eyes] I *told* you not to do that but no, you wouldn't listen.

Trowa: [glares at Aya] What makes you an expert, assassin?

Aya: [looks surreptitiously at Ken] Practice. Lots and lots of practice. And trust me you'll never know which way they'll turn so you need to anticipate. Even now, I get surprised a few times [sighs, remembering his two-week enforced couch vacation]

[Trowa nods. Then and there a bond was formed between the two as they looked at their respective kois. Never mind that they were from different time eras and culture, they had a common bond stronger than anything else boys like them had to experience…a common bond that transcended time and space. They were the Exiled Couch Boys.]

Quatre: [turns to Swythangel] Swyth-chan {tries to smile brightly] Why don't we start ne?

Swythangel: Hai, Quatre-kun! [opens envelope and looks up] Figures! Your task, bishonens, is to battle it out on Counterstrike.

Ken: Alright, Omi! [Ken punches a fist in the air] You'll win for sure. [Ken knew Omi played the game for countless hours, sneaking it into his laptop when the other boys weren't looking.]

Youji: [arches brows] How will Omiitchi win for sure when he hasn't played the game?

Ken: [goes red and looks guilty]

Youji: Or has he? [dawning realization][grins] Aya, I have a sneaking suspicion some people have been covering up illegal activities.

Aya: Hn.

Youji: I'd say the boy should be grounded for, oh say two weeks and we should check his laptop periodically.

Aya: Hn.

Youji: Hear that, Omi? Aya and I have decided.

Omi: But all I heard Aya-kun say is "Hn."

Youji:[grins broadly] That's because you don't understand Aya-nese like I do.

Omi:[snorts]

Ken: I hate to tell you this Omi but Youji is right. [and since Ken is Aya's koi what can Omi do but agree.]

Youji: You are grounded.

Aya: Hn.

Omi: Ken-kun! [whines] Now you did it!

Ken: Gomen, Omi. I didn't mean to.

Omi:[pouts and thinks evil thoughts, specifically, his bowgun dart piercing Ken-kun's butt. His pleasant thoughts are interrupted by Quatre]

Quatre: Anou…what's Counterstrike?

[Omi's face lights up, forgetting that he is grounded, and he launches into a long, looong explanation. One everyone but Quatre ignores.]

Omi: [winding down on his explanation] You're really good if you can get 30 kills in 30 minutes.

Quatre: Sou ka. And we use this? [points to a PC]

Omi: Hai hai!

Quatre: Er, how do you use this? [looks at PC in confusion]

{Omi launches into another round of explanation, provoking tears of boredom in everyone's eyes]

Duo: Gads! This kid can even rival me for talkativeness…Oi! Oi! {shouts] Can we get on with this?

Swythangel: [surpresses yawn] Gomen, Omi-kun, Quatre-kun! But Duo's right. We need to get this going.

Quatre: [smiles] Its alright. I think I get the hang of it. Shall we then, Omi-san?

Omi: [thumbs-up sign] Ready when you are…

Swythangel: Alright, let's begin…

[As Quatre and Omi concentrate on their respective PCs, Ken and Duo cheer them on…]

Ken: Alright, Omi! Get em! No way is anyone going to beat you!

Duo: Go Q-man! Like Wu-man always says, uphold the honor of the Gundam pilots!

Wufei: Maxwell! [threatening growl] I never said that! [looms over Duo]

Duo: Well, er, it just seems like something you'd say, Wu-man!

Wufei: Don't call me Wu-man! My name is Chang Wufei! Wufei, damn it! How many times must I tell you…

Swythangel: Stow it, Wu-man! {thinks and giggles] Oh, oh! That sounds so like Woman! [rolls on floor laughing]

Wufei: [flushes] Injustice! I am not an onna! Maxwell! [goes for Duo who hides behind Heero]

Duo: Heero, koi! Save me!

Heero: [shrugs and glares at Wufei, pointing gun]

[Wufei stops and looks for another victim, spying Sywthangel still laughing, goes towards her.]

Wufei: Someone will pay for that insult!

Trowa: Er, Wufei? I wouldn't advise it.

Wufei: [sarcastically] And why not Couch Boy? [still advances on Swythangel]

Trowa: [glares, taking offense at the title "Couch Boy"]

Swythangel: Because…[stands and draws breath] I am the end all and be all of your universe. In this fic, I rule! Because I'm the writer and what I say goes! Ai-ya! I never knew you were as dense as Duo.

[Snaps fingers and Wufei gets drenched by water.]

Trowa: That's why, Wufei.[dryly]

Duo: [hearing the insult on his name, rears up, offended] Hey I resent that!

Swythangel: [threatening voice] Any problems Duo? [A bucket looms threateningly above him]

Duo: Er, no. None at all. Did I say I had a problem? Of course I don't.

Ken:[snickers] Way to go, Swyth-chan! That's showing that loudmouth!

Swythangel: [grins]

Duo: Hey I resent that, clumsy oaf!

Ken: [ruffled] What did you say? [stomps to Duo] Take that back!

Duo: No I won't!

Ken: [searches for bugnuks] Take it back or else…

Swythangel: [panics] Hey this isn't in the script.

Duo: NO! [sticks tongue out]

Ken: [tries to strangle Duo but Heero blocks him.]

Heero: [raises gun] Lay one hand on Duo and I will kill you.

Ken: [sweatdrops]

[Aya, seeing his koi being threatened, runs towards Heero with katana raised. Of course, he is only making a spectacle of himself because he is hoping Ken will be happy about him coming to his rescue and that Ken will end his couch exile sooner. He knew that Heero would never really kill Ken because this show is non-violent and the writer dearly loved Ken too much to kill him. Whew! That was a long thought.]

Aya: Shi-ne! No one lays a hand on Ken.

Heero: [glares at Aya, because he knew what Aya knew too and was not impressed]

Ken: Nice try Aya. [grins at his koi] But I know that this show is non-violent too. You still get two weeks.

Aya: [sheathes katana] Damn! [trudges back to his seat]

Trowa: I could have told you that wouldn't have worked.

Aya: Shut up. [sulks]

Swythangel: Aaargh! Everyone back to their seats. And let's get this show going.

[Omi and Quatre are still at it and everyone's attention now focuses on the two.]

Youji: Well it looks like Omi is winning. Alright! One for us.

Duo: Don't be too sure! Q-man is the best Gundam strategist around despite his pacifistic outlook. Gambatte, Q-man! [shouts encouragements]

[Quatre being a pacifist isn't really much into the game. However, since the writer is obviously biased and wants a certain blonde angel to win, she pushes and prods until Quatre slips into Zero System behavior and goes into a killing frenzy, catching up to Omi and surpassing him just as the timer goes off. Sorry Omi-kun!]

Swythangel: Well, time's up!

Omi: Oh, oh…[he wants to swear but sees Aya and Youji just waiting to ground him longer so restrains himself.] Oh, fudge!

Duo: Fudge? Fudge? [bursts out laughing] Whoever says fudge when they're frustrated.

Omi:[glares and wishes that his koi, Nagi Noue was here so he'd defend him but he knows that it is impossible because Nagi is Schwartz and if Aya and the others knew, he'd probably be grounded for the rest of his lifetime.][sighs]

[Just then, a flying microphone hits Duo on the head, surprising everyone and Omi.]

Duo: Itaiii! What hit me?

Quatre: [blinks] This microphone did, Duo.

Duo: Ey, but how could that happen. It couldn't very well fly on its own.

Omi: [scans through the crowd and smiles as he sees Nagi in the middle, trying to look inconspicuous]

Aya: [narrows eyes] I sense Schwartz somewhere…[looks around]

Ken: [who has realized what just happened and saw Omi smile at Nagi, tries to distract Aya] Er, it must be your imagination, Aya. Now what would Schwartz be doing on this show ne?

Aya: [persistently tries to look at audience]

Ken: [in desperation, kisses Aya, which effectively silences him] [thinks to himself]Now we're even Omi!

Duo: Wai! Wai! Q-man, that was awesome.[glomps Quatre]

Quatre: Thanks Duo. [grins at everyone]

Trowa:[hugs Quatre and looks at him with shining eyes] That was wonderful, Little One.

Quatre: Nice try, Trowa but you're still on the couch.

Trowa: [pouts and sulks]

Aya: [wryly]I told you to look and learn. I tried that and it didn't work. You should have known better.

Trowa: Hn.

Swythangel: Alright, so far the score is: Weiß, 1, Gundam, 2. Let's get on with the next ones ne? And I'm back at pushing the button since Mr. "Women are weak" went berserk the last time.

Wufei: [glares]

[Swythangel pushes buttons.]

[Vidmachine shows Duo and Youji.]

TBC   
^_~ Now what *is* the task for Duo and Youji?


	3. Part 3/4

Author: Swythangel   
Email: swythangel@hotmail.com   
Title: Weißcracks   
Type: 3/4, parody   
Teaser: A parody of sorts that has been revolving around my head, Weiß boys vs Gundam Wing boys in lame attempt at humor.   
Rating: PG   
Spoilers:   
Warnings: Shonen Ai, AU, cross-over   
Disclaimer: Weiß Kreuz is not mine…will never be mine but damn if that'll stop me from torturing their lives in my fics...Gundam Wing is also not mine…   
Keywords: Weiß, Gundam Wing boys

Dang! Did I mention that this fic keeps running away from me? And I still haven't caught up with it yet so its extended to part 4…whee! Gomen…I know the jokes get tired after awhile but I promise to finish this…

Oh and I just love bashing Duo-kun because I like him, after Quatre that is…and yes, it's a perverted sense of liking someone, bashing them I mean. Ahoho!

**Weißcracks**   
**Part 3**

Duo: Alright! My turn! Finally! I'm ready to kick major butt. [stretches, does warm-ups]

Youji: [runs a hand through his hair and sighs] Well, if I must then I suppose I must… [strolls gracefully to the stage]

Swythangel: Yotan! [glomps Youji]

Youji: Hai hai! I am universally loved by all women.

Swythangel: [narrows eyes] Oh, you are, are you? [snaps fingers and a bucket of water pours itself over Youji's head.]

[Youji continues smiling as he wipes away the water.]

Youji: I look even better wet than most men would look dry. [shrugs out of his shirt amidst swoons from the fangirl audience]

Swythangel: You're incorrigible, Youji-kun.

Youji: [huggles Swyth-chan] Damn straight.

Duo: [stares] Is this guy for real? He's even more of a tease than I am!

Quatre: [whispers to others] And I would have thought that was an impossibility.

Ken: [rolls eyes] You haven't even seen him at his full flirtatious mode yet. Isn't that right, Aya?

Aya: Hn.

Duo: Well if Aya says so then I suppose I should agree then. [bats eyes at Aya]

Ken: [pales and blocks Aya from Duo's gaze] Not again!

Heero: Duo! [threatening tone]

Duo: [sighs]Alright Hee-kun! Geez, I didn't know you're this jealous! [prances off to where Youji is and holds out his hand] The name's Duo, Maxweel Duo. I may run and I may hide but I never lie. Pleased to meet cha!

Youji: [shakes Duo's hand and smiles] Likewise I'm sure.

Duo: [turns to Swyth-chan] So what's the deal, boss lady? What do we do?

Swythangel: [frowns] I am not your boss lady, Duo. I'm just tne end all and be all…

Duo: Of my existence…yeah, yeah! Where have I heard that before? Can we get on with it?

Swythangel: [bonks Duo with a mallet] Its not nice to interrupt [sniffs]

[Duo sees stars while Swythangel reads from the envelope. She scrunches up her nose.]

Swythangel: This is a bit difficult to comprehend. Let's see, we need two sound-proof transparent booths [snaps fingers and two booths appear] and…what's this..Re…Oh my God! [throws pitying glance at Duo who has just recovered from the bonking he received]

Duo: What? What?

Swythangel: [shakes head] I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. [huggles Duo] Poor poor boy!

Duo: Ey? [goes into shock because Swyth-chan is actually hugging him]

Quatre: [becomes curious because of Swyth-chan's strange behaviour] This task must indeed be horrible to make Swyth-chan hug Duo…[goes over to Swyth-chan] May I see?

[Swythangel hands over the envelope and Quatre reads the contents]

Quatre: [throws Duo a pitying glance] May Allah have mercy on you. You must have done something real bad in your previous life, Duo, for something like this.

Duo: What is it, Q-man?

Gundam Boys: What is it? [gathers around Quatre, except for Duo who is still locked in Swythangel's arms]

Trowa: … [he had used up his quota of words for the day and since nothing he would say would ever affect his being a Couch Boy, he has chosen to stay silent though he throws Duo a look of pity][passes the envelope to Wufei]

Duo: To-rowa! What is it? [is ignored]

Wufei: Kisama! If Maxwell ever survives this, I will never ever tell him that he resembles an onna with his long hair ever again. I will even ignore the fact that he calls me Wu-man.[passes envelope to Heero and lights an incense to the gods for Duo]

Duo: Even Wu-man? [gets worried]

Heero: [reads the envelope, eyes widen] Eeep! [panicked look enters his eyes] Must find a place to hide. Must find a place to hide. [crawls under the table]

Duo: [looks startled at Heero's behavior] Oh for pete's sake will someone please tell me!

Youji: Yeah, why don't you guys tell us what we have to do. The poor boy is hyperventilating as it is. [smirks]

Swythangel: [frowns at Youji] You don't really have any right to smirk Yotan. Yours isn't much better.

Ken: Swyth-chan, may I see? [looks so endearing that Swyth-chan can't help but glomp him]

Swythangel: Of course, Ken-kun!

Ken: [reads contents and burst out in laughter][hands envelope to Omi]

Omi: [also burst out in hysterical laughter] Well, this should be good. I [wheeze] think I'm [gulp] going to [snort] enjoy this.

Ken: [wheeze] Yeah me too. [looks at Aya] But I think someone should tell Aya first.

Omi: Hai, I agree. Swyth-chan?

Swythangel: [blinks]You're both right. [trudges up to Aya and shoves the envelope at him] Now don't get into a tizzy alright? [snaps fingers and Aya's katana disappears]

Aya: Nani? What did you do that for?

Swythangel: [smirks] Just a precaution Aya-kun?[threatening look]Why? You have any issues with that?

Aya:[remembers Swythangel]s predilection to throw buckets of water and since he wasn't as much of a tease as Youji and wouldn't want to bare his chest for all to see, he decided that staying silent would be the best possible course of action]

Youji: Hey, I take exemption to that, Aya! I am not a tease.

Aya: You want to make something of what I thought? [glares]

Youji: Er [decides that Aya is in too bad a mood to rile] no. [mutters to himself] I am not a tease.

Fangirls: Oh but you are, Yotan! You are! [Youji sweatdrops] And we love you for it! [Youji beams]

Omi: [shakes head] He'll never change.

Ken: That's for sure. Oi, Swyth-chan! Show Aya already ne?

Swythangel: Oh right! [shoves envelope at Aya]

Aya: [reads and goes red in the face] Whhaaat? Schw…[Swythangel covers Aya's mouth before he could spill the beans]

Youji: [exasperated voice] Will someone please tell me what we have to do and why everyone's reacting like they're reacting? Goddamn it!

Duo: Yeah. Don't you guys know how bad it is to keep Shinigami in suspense?

Swythangel: Well [looks at other Gboys and Weiß boys] you heard em, they asked for it. [everyone nods]   
  


Swythangel: Alright. But don't blame me if you don't like em. Er, before I tell you guys. Would you two kindly get in the sound-proof booths?

Duo: Ey?

Youji: Nani?

Both: Shouldn't you tell us first what we have to do?

Swythangel: Er, ah, actually, there are mikes and speakers inside the booths so you'll be able to hear. And anyway, it'll save time ne?

Youji: Makes sense [shrugs and goes into the booth]

Duo: No arguments here [scratches head and goes into the other booth]

[Everyone breathes a sigh of relief as both go in. Swythangel snaps fingers and a lock appears on both of the booths' doors. Sturdy, thick locks that's Duo-proof and Youji-proof.]

Duo: [whose voice resounds on stage since it comes from a microphone] Now tell us already will you?

Swythangel: [beams at how good she has manipulated them] Well I guess we can say it now. Duo, Youji, the task you have been set is to outlast each other in the companion of a person. The first one to say "surrender" loses.

Youji: Tch! That's all. I'll win this in no time. I've got enough charms to win anyone over.

Duo: Yatta ne! I can do that. I love to talk, we can talk here. And why in blazes would I quit?

[Quatre and the others roll their eyes. They knew how Duo loved to talk. Hoo boy! Did they know!]

[Ken , Omi and Aya shake their heads. Youji didn't know what he was getting himself into.]

Swythangel: Er, l et's see just how happy and easy you still think this'll be. Here are your companions. [snaps fingers and two figures materialize inside the booths.]

[grating voice comes out of Duo's booth even before the figure fully materializes] Oh, HEEEEEERRROOOOOO!

[Heero shudders behind the table and curls up into a ball.]

Duo: [pales] Oh no! Not her, anyone but her. Please God!

Relena: [materializes and looks around][sees Duo and pouts] Duo Maxwell? Where's Heero? I thought I'd get to see Heero? Where's Heero?

Duo: Dear God…

[All the Gundam boys sympathize.]

Wufei: Kisama! How Heero can actually take that voice without killing her is beyond me?

Heero: [dryly]Why do you think I'm hiding under this table in this undignified position?

Quatre: Good point.

Trowa:…

[Meanwhile in Youji's booth, a figure materializes…]

[And a voice invades Youji's mind] _lover boy…_

Youji: No way! No, not, not him, please, not him! [Youji's eyes dilates in fear. If anyone was more of a tease than he was it was Schuldich. And he definitely didn't want to be trapped in a booth with the German, *without* a shirt on.]

Aya: [clenches fist as one of the hated enemy appears.] Must not overreact to Schwartz. [The overwhelming urge to cry Shi-ne, Schwartz was nigh overwhelming but Ken's hand on his arm stops him.]

Omi: Poor Youji-kun but I admit this is pretty interesting…[grins broadly as Schuldich advances on Youji and Youji backs away.]

Quatre: Anou…Omi-san? I thought Youji-san was flirty, why doesn't he like the orange-haired guy then?

Omi:[grins] Well, Schuldich is even more of a tease than Youji-kun and you know what they say…turn-around isn't fun. Youji-kun generally wants to be in control. And Schuldich is basically more of the one in control so you see…

Quatre: [brightens] Aa, a power struggle, I understand…

Omi: [blushes] Well its actually more than that but you get the gist of it. Now what's the deal with him, Quatre-san? [tilts head towards screaming Duo who looks like he wants to strangle Relena]

Quatre: [broad grin] Aa, the Queen of the World is after Heero…

Omi: Sou ka. And since he's Heero's koi.

Quatre: [nods] And added to the fact that Relena has a, how shall we put it diplomatically,…a less than delicate voice…

Omi: [nods sympathetically] I see what you mean…poor Youji-kun and Duo-kun

Quatre: So desu.

Swythangel: [eyes glint] Oh, oh! Do go on talking! I swear you two look so kawaii together.

[microphone flies to hit Swythangel as another one tries to hit Quatre. Luckily, Trowa sees it and plucks it from the air before it hits his koi. Swythangel is not so lucky.]

Swythangel: Itaaiii! [mutters] That Nagi! [snaps fingers and a bucket of water appears in the middle of the audience to drench Nagi]

Trowa: [thinks to himself] Serves her right for trying to take my Little One away from me.

Swythangel: I heard that Trowa! [snaps fingers and Trowa gets drenched] Ahoho! I rule!

Duo: AAAAAAARGHH! I can't take this anymore. Someone save me from this annoying girl! [pounds on the booth's transparent walls]

Relena: But Duuuuoooo! [whines]I only want to know where Heero is. Tell me and we can be friends.

Duo: Who wants to be your friend, you crazy onna! I don't want to be, so leave me alone. No way, no how am I telling you where Heero is!

[A very relieved Heero can be seen heaving a sigh of ease under the table]

Youji: Get away from me, you, you Schwartz! [tries to wedge himself as far away from Schuschu as possible.]

Schuldich: [purs]Aw, kitty-cat! Aren't you glad to see me? Give me a kiss. [advances on Youji]

Youji: No, goddamn it1 Why don't you go back to the hellhole that spawned you and leave me alone. [turns to Aya] Aya, didn't you say you hate Schwartz? Tasukete!

[Aya clenches and unclenches his fist, wishing for his katana to slice up Schwartz but since Swythangel has taken it away from him he has no weapon. He briefly considered going at the booth with his bare hands when Ken whispered in his ear.]

Ken: Charge that booth, Aya and you stay on the couch indefinitely.

[Aya subsided. He didn't want to remain a Couch Boy. Better to feed Youji to the wolves than be a Couch Boy for more than two weeks.]

Omi: Yatta ne, Youji-kun! You can outlast Schuldich!

Youji: Easy for you to say, Omiitchi! [is literally climbing the walls of the booth to get away from Schuschu]

Relena: Duuuuoooo! Oneegggaaaiiii! Where's my Heerrroooo?

Duo: [screams]Damn it! Damn it! Stop it will you Relena? You are driving me insane! I can't take it anymore. I need to get away or I'm going to kill Relena, Queen of the World or not. Surrender! [pounds on door]I surrender.

[Bell sounds and both Relena and Schuldich flicker.]

Relena: Noooo! I haven't even found my Heero yet!

Duo: [sighs and smirks] Hah! That's because you're a baka and he's *my* Heero, not yours. [sticks tongue out]

Relena: NOOOOOO! [fades away]

Schuldich: [looks disappointed] I didn't even get one kiss form the pretty cat. Can't I stay awhile?

Youji:[bursts out] No!

Schuldich: [hooded look] Sure?

Youji: [looks pleadingly at Swythangel]

[Schuldich fades away.]

Youji: Thank God!

[Youji and Duo stumble out of their booths too dazed to comment. Heero finally crawls out from under the table and helps Duo.]

Duo: Fine time to desert me, koi! And they call you the Perfect Soldier. {snort]

Quatre: [smiles at Duo] Even Perfect Soldiers have their waterloos, Duo.

Duo:[sniffs] Fine fine. But still…Heekun gets to join the Couch Boys [Trowa and Aya smirk] for [thinks hard] one day!

Heero: Hn. [who couldn't care less, he could sleep on the couch for one day]

[Trowa's and Aya's face falls. And they start to protest.]

Trowa & Aya: We don't get it…why does he get off with one day?

Quatre & Ken: [arches brow] We aren't Duo. Go figure!

Duo: Hey! [narrows eyes] Are you guys implying something bad about me?

Quatre and Ken: [acts all innocent] Of course not, Duo. Would we do that?

Swythangel: [coughs] Er, if you guys don't mind. We have to get going. Our 30 minutes are almost up.

[Everyone keeps quiet.]

Swythangel: Alright, so it's a tie. Weiß 2, and Gwing 2….let's go on with a tie-breaker.

Wufei: Well, it doesn't need a genius to see that I'm up. But who will be my opponent?

TBC ^_~

Yes, who will be Wuffie's opponent?

Wufei: Baka onna! I am not Wuffie or Wu-man! I am Wufei Chang. Wufei. How many times must I tell you that? Read my lips, Wufei!

Swythangel: Wufei! Alright Wuffie-kun!

Wufei: Baka!

Swythangel: Prude! Anyway, last part out soon! waves to minna>


	4. Part 4/4

Author: Swythangel   
Email: swythangel@hotmail.com   
Title: Weißcracks   
Type: 4/4, parody   
Teaser: A parody of sorts that has been revolving around my head, Weiß boys vs Gundam Wing boys in lame attempt at humor.   
Rating: PG   
Spoilers:   
Warnings: Shonen Ai, AU, cross-over   
Disclaimer: Weiß Kreuz is not mine…will never be mine but damn if that'll stop me from torturing their lives in my fics...Gundam Wing is also not mine…   
Keywords: Weiß, Gundam Wing boys

Last part…last part! And then I'm going to go on with Gott! ^^

Real life sucks! It really does. I don't have time to write as many fics as I want to…or comment on fics too.sigh> Can I just say that everyone seems to be making great fics these days…glomps all WKFF writers>

**Weißcracks**   
**Part 4**

Swythangel: After that long and lengthy commercial break, we are now at the last leg of our show. whispers to herself>Thank God! I don't think my nerves can take this anymore. turns back to everyone> Well, so far, we are at an impasse, Weiß tied with the Gundam Wing boys with 2 points apiece. For the last round we have adorable Wuffie-baby…

Wufei: interrupts>Wu Fei! Wu Fei! How many times must I tell you it is Wu Fei not Wuffie…you baka onna. You are making me out like that Final Fantasy 7 onna…and I am not an onna. huffs and glares> And I am not adorable. Dangerous, yes, but adorable? Definitely not.

Swythangel: Wu Fei! Alrighty, Wuffie-baby!

Wufei: rants> Wu Fei! Wu Fei!

Swythangel: Wuffie! Wuffie! giggles>

Duo: Leave her be, Wu-man! pronounces it as 'woman'> Or we'll never finish this show.

Wufei: glares Duo>And I am not Wu-man! Not an onna! You are as bad as she is, Maxwell.

Quatre: Yameru, you guys! This is giving me a headache.

Meanwhile on the Weiß end…

Ken: Hey guys, we have to cough up another person or we're dead meat.

Youji: rolls eyes>Trust Ken to point out the obvious.

Aya: who will never cease to try and get at Ken's good side since he is still an Exiled Couch Boy> You can't talk about Ken like that.

Ken: Oh stop it Aya. I can see right through you and you still stay on the couch. grins>But it was nice of you to defend me. kisses Aya's cheek ^-^v. Aya pulls Ken in for a kiss on the mouth.>

Omi: Heya! Stop that! There are single people here you know. whispers to self>or at least supposedly single people thinks about Nagi in the audience while typing in his laptop>

Youji: Yeah! Omi's right. You're acting like a bunch of horny rabbits on national television…grunts and whispers>Besides, if Youji doesn't get any, no one should get any either.

Ken pulls away from Aya>

Aya: blushing, throws a disappointed look>Ahem…so ah, Omi, any possible back-ups?

Omi: Well, I've run through the possibilities.

Ken: beams at Omi>That's our Omi!

Youji: And?

Omi: There's Schwartz an…

Youji: interrupts Omi in midsentence>No! Iie! Nyet! thinks of Schu and shudders>NO way no how are we bringing in Schwartz.

Ken and Omi exchange grins>

Omi: Well you haven't let me finish yet Youji-kun…types some more> There's also…hesitates and pulls a face>nah, I don't think you'll want them.

Aya: Any port in a storm, Omi. Spill it.irritated glance at the back of Omi's head. He's just a teensy tiny bit irritated because his kiss with Ken had been interrupted. And since it had been, he has now gone back to leader mode and is impatient to get on with the mission, er, I mean show>

Omi: worried glance>Are you sure? I wouldn't recommend…

All three: Just spill it, Omi!

Youji: Or you'll get grounded far worse…

Omi: resigned look>Schreint.

All three: horrified look> NO! Over our dead bodies!

Youji: Bring even one of the annoying banshees in and I will personally ground you for the rest of eternity.

Aya: Hn. which translated from Aya-nese would mean "me too">

Ken: blinks>On second thought, over their dead bodies…they're dead already. How will you get them here…Not that I want to get them here.

Omi: shrugs>Well, don't ask me, its what my laptop says.

Youji: scratches head>How so?

everyone wonders about that and stops to think thereby taking precious time out from the game>an irritated CG of Swythangel pops out of the laptop's screen>

Swythangel: Will you guys just get on with it…I put them there. Any objections? pixelated glare>

All four: sweatdrops>Uh no, none at all.

Ken: Uh, Swyth-chan? looks at CG Swythangel and real Swythangel. All four are wondering how she did it but only Ken gets the courage to ask>How can you be in two places at once?

Swythangel: Ahoho! goes into her omnipotent mode> I am the end all and be all of your universe. In this fic, I rule! Because I'm the writer and what I say goes! Now get on with it.

Youji: shakes head and sighs>She's really going overboard with that drunk with power routine.

Swythangel: pixelated suspicious look>Did I hear what I thought I heard Yotan?

Youji: blinding smile> Hell yes, Swyth-chan. But I mean that in the most adorable sense of the word, ne?

Swythangel: Wai wai! knows Yotan is just trying to manipulate her but still gives in to the urge to beam at him> You're adorable Youji-kun! And if I could, I'd give Kenken over to you instead of Aya-kun. Ahohoho!

Ken: sweatdrops>

muted mutters of "Injustice. The onna is distinctly unfair. When I say she is drunk with power, she dunks me in water. When *they* say she's drunk with power, she beams at them. Injustice!">

Aya: deathglare at CG Swythangel and holds Ken possessively> HN! translated from Aya-nese…don't you dare!>

Swythangel: Ignores Aya> Which reminds me, you guys should decide now because we're running out of time.

Aya: glares at Swyth-chan one more time before turning to Omi>Are there other choices, Omi?

Omi: Er, two more…there's the Crashers…Knight would be good…hopeful tone>

Ken: interrupts, shouting> NO! Absolutely not.

Aya: was about to nod assent to Omi when Ken reacted. Thinking it prudent not to continue lest his exile gets longer, he stays quiet. But then he always stays quiet so its no biggie, really>

Youji: raises brows> Look Ken, I realize that Aya has a past with the guy but past is past don't you think? And he'll only be here for 10 minutes or less. Just enough for him to win this.

Ken: No! juts chin out stubbornly>

Omi: Youji-kun is right, Ken-kun. Don't you want to win this?

Ken: No no no! We can lose this for all I care. I don't want to see him in the same room as Aya.rants>

Omi: looks at silent Aya who is trying to blend in with the wall but since he has striking hair (Aya: Curse this red hair!), he stands out like a sore thumb instead ^o^> Aya-kun?

Aya: Hn translated, still means Hn because Aya doesn't know what to say> -_-;

Youji: Yeah, Oh Great Leader. You have the final say after all…

Aya: thinks to himself>Oh damn it! Trapped between a rock and a hard place. What do I do? Get Knight here and the probability of winning increases…but I probably will stay on the couch forever. As a leader, I should think about finishing this mission, I mean winning this game for our honor but then…sweatdrops and looks at glaring Ken>of course our silent assassin cannot resist his koi anymore than Trowa can resist Quatre (Trowa: //_-;) so…> Damn it all! Ken wins.sighs>What's the last option, Omi?

Ken throws himself against his koi in delight> Aya! Koi! Forget the couch.

Aya almost expires in delight and hugs Ken tighter>

Trowa: sulks and thinks to himself>That is so unfair. Now I'm the only Exiled Couch Boy left. hopes that he gets a same chance with Quatre, after all it wasn't fun being the only Exiled Couch Boy and Heero didn't count since his exile was only for one day>

Swythangel: Oi oi! Will someone separate the two before this turns PG! snaps fingers to separate Aya and Ken>sighs and shakes head>As much as I'd like you two to get together…this isn't the time or place ne? Behave, children!

Omi: sighs> There goes the game right down the drain just because Aya-kun wanted to make Ken-kun happy…shakes head mournfully>

Youji: pats Omi's head and shrugs>Well that's the way the ball rolls, Omiitchi.

Aya: still beaming, looks at Omi> Well, send word to the last option then. Tell him/her to get here as fast as he can.

Omi: I've already e-mailed him. He's coming as soon as possible. hears screeching brakes>In fact there he is now. grins>

Everyone cranes their necks to see who it is. They see polished leather shoes, a three-piece suit worthy of even Brad's jaded scrutiny…>

Brad: pops in from oblivion>Hey! I resent being called jaded.

Swyth-chan: Oh, shut up Bradley. You aren't supposed to be here.shoves Brad back into oblivion> And besides, its true.

Anyway back to the stranger… expensive three-piece suit and…>everyone falls on the floor>

Wufei: incredulous shout>Nani?

Gwing boys: Is this suppose to be a joke?

Omi: groans>O man! And I'm supposed to be related to him…

Aya: glares at Omi, forgets to use Aya-nese in his agitation>What is the meaning of this?

Ken: Er, who's under the paper bag?

Youji: Yeah, Omiitchi…who or what is that?

Omi: blinks innocently>I would have thought you'd all know by know…hellooo! Man in the shadows, man without a face? Or do you need two girls in the shortest minis you can find just to recognize who this is.rolls eyes>Honestly…

All Weiß boys stare astounded.>

Everyone: P….P…Persia?

Omi: grins and nods> Bullseye!

Ken: B…but why is he wearing a paper bag on his head?

Youji: Yeah, of all the stupidest gimmicks…

Aya: Hn. back to Aya-nese translations: stupid>

Omi: shakes head and glares> Why ask me?

Youji: arches brow>Well he *is* your uncle, isn't he?

Omi: Well, just because we're related doesn't mean I know what he's thinking…why don't you guys ask him! points to Persia who has now come within hearing range>

Persia: muffled voice booms out of the paper bag which resembles a mask with holes for the nose, eyes and mouth> Weiß! Today I hunt down the dark beasts of tomorrow with you. I, Persia, your great leader, will win this for sure. You need not fear.

All of Weiß sweatdrops>

Youji: Hey Boss-man. Before you start, can you tell us just why you have a paper bag on your head?

Persia: Why…so my identity can be protected of course! Are you stupid or something, Balinese?

Ken: Anou… everyone already knows who you are…I mean didn't Takatori uncover your disguise before?

Omi: chirps in>Yeah, Unc. And you told me you were Persia too.

Persia: I did? No you are trying to fool me into showing my face. I do not recall any such thing. bulb appears in front of his face>If that is true then why don't you tell me what I look like…

Everyone even fangirls in the audience>: You're a brunette and you have glasses and whiskers!

Persia: sweatdrops> Ahoho! takes paper bag off his face> So you all do know the great Persia.

Everyone sweatdrops>

Omi: shoves face into hands in embarrassment>There are times I wish I never found out I was related to Takatoris…Dear God, why inflict me with such a dysfunctional family…mad scientists, megalomaniacs…and now…

Ken: pats Omi> Daijobu Omi-kun.

Youji: snickers> Careful there Omi, research says all weirdness are hereditary…

Ken: sharply>Youji! glares daggers at Youji while a flying chair hits Youji>

Aya: looks around suspiciously muttering "Schwartz">

Wufei: Desist with this insane carnival show and let us get on with it. You profane your family's honor with such a scene.

Swythangel: sighs>I hate to admit it but Wuffie-baby ignored angry outbursts of " Its Wufei! Shimatta! Wufei!"> is right. Let's get on with it shall we?

Persia: Of course. I, the Great Persia, leader of Kritiker, will hunt down this dark beast of tomorrow.

Duo: Silly old coot. And what does he mean dark beast of tomorrow. Wu-man isn't dark.

Heero: Hn. In heero-nese it is…hn. -_- yes, hn means hn no matter how you look at it>

Quatre: quirks a mouth up in amusement> I think he's amusing.

Duo: dryly>You would, Q-man.

Swythangel: Quiet, will you! draws envelope>blinks>Heavens looks pityingly at Persia>, I don't think Persia-san can do this…looks at judges>Can't we change the task?

Announcer: No. Rules are rules.

Wufei: nods head heartily>Yes, justice must prevail.

Announcer: And besides, we don't have time left.

Swythangel: sticks tongue out at Wufei>Alright. All-out battle. First one to fall to the ground loses.

Duo: Sugoi!! Wu-man definitely will win.

All Gwing boys can't help but smile and nod in agreement.>

Wufei: quietly>No. This is injustice. How can I fight against an old man. I refuse to fight him.crosses arms>

Duo: Whhhaaaaatt? Wu-man! Come on…you can't let us down..

Quatre: Wufei is right Duo. It is unfair.

Duo: mutters.Remind me to stick you and Wu-man in a tub of water one of these days, Q-man…

Swythangel: Awww,,,,,glomps Wufei>Wu-chan! That is so sweet.

Wufei: disgusted voice>Let go you onna! I did not do it for you.

Persia: Does the rules say anything about accessories?

Announcer: No…you can bring any accessory you would wish.

Persia: Well, boy looks at Wufei> Don't worry about me, with my accessories, I'll be more than a match for any red-blooded bisexual Chinese…

Wufei: looks surprise>How did you know I was bisexual…

Persia: booming laugh>I am Persia, I know everything…and everything includes Sally Po and Trieze…

Wufei: angry look>This is injustice! How dare you snoop into my private life? I am ready to take you on anytime, old man! steps into the battle ring that mysteriously appeared in the middle of the stage>

Duo: Alright Wu!

Persia: steps into the ring too>Just let me call someone on my cellfone then…dials and talks in a muffled voice…>

Aya: narrows eyes>What is he up to…

Omi: No….

Youji: Is he going to do what I think he's going to do?

Ken: It sure looks that way…

Announcer: Ready…get set…go!

Wufei charges Persia>Persia just stands by calmly>

Persia: Beam them down Scotty!

in the background>Youji: Beam them down Scotty? What the fu…that's such a corny line!

and right in front of Wufei materializes Manx and Birman in the shortest set of minis you can find, flashing their tushies at our beloved red-blooded Chinese boy>

Wufei: Wha? nosebleeds and falls to the ground in a faint>

Announcer: And Chang Wufei is down for the count. Weiß wins!

Duo: shakes head>Damn it! How could Wuman do that to us? rants and fumes> When he comes to, I am going to yank his pony tail so hard his forehead is going to recede another inch.

Heero: Hn. yes, it still means Hn but it's a fearful Hn>

Trowa: Now Duo…commisserates with Wufei's forehead>

Quatre: Simmer down, Duo, you can't really blame Wufei for losing…

Duo: Who said anything about losing…I mean the fact about him being bi! I always thought he was straight…and here he was also gay…

Gwing boys sweatdrop as one>

Ken: jumps into the air> We win! We win!

Omi: Yatta ne!

Youji: grins>Well, I guess this means party!!!!

Duo: perks up>Party? Did anyone say party?

Omi: Quatre-kun, you guys are invited of course…

Quatre: Arigato, Omi-san! grins>

Swythangel: Awww….

a microphone flies towards Quatre, deftly caught by Trowa>

Trowa: Daijobu, Quatre-koi?

Quatre: Aa. But you're still on the couch, Trowa.

Trowa: long suffering sigh>

At the party….

Omi is teaching Quatre-kun how to play Quake 3 and other PC games…if you look hard enough you can see a jealous Nagi throwing dagger glares at Quatre-kun's back.

Youji is hitting on both Manx and Birman and looking over his shoulders for any sign of Schuldich.

Duo is trying to lure Aya (who does not notice him in the least) while Ken-kun is trying to block Duo. (Careful Ken-kun or you might end up with Duo)

Aya, Heero and Trowa sit on a couch talking in Aya-nese, Heero-nese and Trowa-nese…which mostly consists of Hns and a liberal helping of "……….". The two ex-couch boys are helping Trowa cope with impending exile on the couch.

And Wuffie-baby? Well Swyth-chan is still trying to revive him from the shock…and is that all she's doing? Ahohohoho!>

So that is how our tale ends…a bit abrupt and definitely rushed.

Trowa: B…bbbb…bbut I'm still exiled on the couch!

Swythangel: Tough luck, Tro-chan! But I'm having too much fun with Omiitchi and Quatre…bright idea> Want a Nagi instead?

Trowa: …..

OWARI ^_~

Ok it is really abrupt and not as funny in the end ne? Gomen gomen…

Oh oh…maybe you guys think I hate Wuffie-baby ne? Truth is I don't! I love Wuffie-baby. I even told my friend Mfie-chan that if Wuffie-chan was a real person, I'dve grabbed em and married em by now. Ahohoho! That'd satisfy my traditional Chinese parents, I'm sure! ^o^

Comments are still welcome…big big glomp for people with comments.


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